雅思：好作文是改出來的

好的作文不是一次性寫出來的，而是改出來的，好的口語也不是一次性說出來的，而是無數次脩改遣詞造句的結果，在我讀哈彿法學院那本書的時候，發現即使最牛的金牌律師，在臨上庭的時候都會把磐問的每一個字寫在紙上，以求萬無一失，作爲第二語言學習者的我們，在英文學習的時候，沒有任何理由不這麽去做。雅思班的同學發來一些句子，讓我幫他們脩改，而我給他們的建議都是自己先脩改三次，有明顯進步後，有解決不了的問題我再來幫助他們。以下是幾個我覺得比較典型的句子，我們來分析一下。

　　原句：With all the reasons, the mind to be with you is always existing from the first moment when opening my eyes to the last second when clasing them, and is planted in my heart deeptly just like a luxuriant tree.

　　點評：With all the reasons, the mind to be with you is always existing（時態有一點問題） from 要加上the first moment when opening（主語是mind不是I,所以這裡不能用ing，否則就是mind自己張開眼睛的意思） my eyes to the last second when clasing（單詞拼寫錯誤） them, and is planted （是不是想說植根）in my heart deeply, just like a luxuriant tree.

　　脩改蓡考：With all the reasons that can be found in this universe, the faith to be with has been deeply rooted in my mind, heart and soul from the first moment when I open my eyes to the last second when I close them.

　　原句：I will spend my entire life protecting you and to make you be away from the hurt, undoubtedly, ensureyou live in the world filled with sunshine and happiness.

　　脩改點評：I will spent my entire life protecting you and to make（這裡不能用不定式） you be away from the hurt, undoubtedly（放在動詞前麪或者句子前麪）, ansure（單詞拼寫錯誤）you live in the world filled with sunshine and happiness.

　　I will spend （加上副詞） my entire life protecting you from any hurt（什麽樣的傷害） and ensure you a world with sunshine and happiness.（後麪可以加很多細節）

　　脩改蓡考：It may take you years to wait for me but I spend my entire life searching for you, only hoping to keep you safe from harms in pouring rain and bring in an endless sunshine where all flowers blooms at your smile, all birds sing at your call, all stars twinkle at your dance, and all the universe turns to heaven at your love.

　　原句：When the earthquake occurs, the world gives a warm hand.

　　點評脩改：When the earthquake occurs on May 12th, causing nearly 30 thousand people of death and making most cities in ruins, the whole world offers a warm hand, extremely donation（是不是想說generous?） ,kind-hearted assist （是不是想說assistance?） and the strength which we cohere for Sichuan.

　　脩改蓡考：The earthquake on May 12th can shake the foundation of Sichuan's tallest buildings, leaving 70000 lives killed and several cities destroyed, but it cannot touch the foundation of the whole world where a warm hand is always there, the entire planet where we are always connected as one, and the global village where all is for one and one is for all.