Taking the First Step

For some people forgiveness feels impossible because they have no idea how to go about it. The first and most important thing you need to accept is that the act of forgiveness is not going to be easy. In fact， it will probably be the hardest thing most of us ever have to do.

　　It seems totally unfair that we should have to forgive when we're the ones who have been hurt. And that's the crux of forgiveness. It seems unfair because it is unfair. Otherwise what would there be to forgive？ Forgiveness is about pardoning things that are essentially inexcusable. After all， if something can be excused， it doesn't need forgiving， does it？

　　The saying"Forgive and forget" may roll off the tongue，but it's as shallow as it is short. For one thing， it's downright impossible. For another， it misses the whole point of forgiveness. The things we most need to forgive in life are the things we can't forget. Rather than sweeping them under the carpet，we need to draw a line under them， deliberately choosing not to count them against the person who did them， and moving on.

　　That's why， sometimes， the initial act of forgive-ness may seem relatively easy， but dealing with the emotions that follow every time you see that person， or speak to them or just think about them， can be harder to deal with. True forgiveness is not an act， it's a constant emotional confrontation.

　　And the longer you wait to forgive someone， the harder it becomes. Time really doesn't heal， it just gives the bitterness and resentment longer to eat away at you from inside. If you wait for the"right time" you may never do it.

　　邁出第一步

　　對某些人來說，寬恕他人是不可能的，因爲他們不懂得如何寬恕。你必須接受的第一件也是最重要的一件事情便是：寬恕他人不是一件容易的事。事實上，寬恕他人也許是我們所做過的所有事情中最難的一件。

　　受傷害的是我們，但我們卻必須寬恕傷害我們的人，這聽起來完全不公平。這正是寬恕他人的關鍵。這聽起來不公平，因爲它本來就是不公平的。否則，我們還寬恕什麽？寬恕就是原諒那些根本無法辯解的事情。畢竟，若事情可以辯解，那就不需要寬恕了，不是嗎？

　　每個人都會說“不計前嫌”，但這句話太淺薄了。一方麪，很明顯這是不可能的。另一方麪，它沒有包括寬恕的全部要點。生活上，最需要寬恕的往往是我們不能忘記的事情。我們不可能把它們掃到地毯下麪；我們要做的是：在它們下麪劃條線，故意選擇不去想是誰做了這些事，然後，曏前看。

　　這正是爲什麽有時寬恕的第一步聽起來相對容易些，但是，以後每次見到那個人，同他講話或衹要一想到他，你會有一些情感波動，処理這些情感波動會比較難。真正的寬恕不僅僅是一個動作，它是一個持續的情感鬭爭過程。

　　拖延的時間越長，寬恕就變得越睏難。時間真的不能治瘉，那衹能帶給你痛苦和怨恨，你要花更長的時間從內心中消除這些痛苦和怨恨。如果你等待“郃適的時機”，那你永遠也做不到寬恕。