On Independence

Have you ever read the account（報道）of some Chinese and Japanese children spending their summer vacation together in a summer camp several years ago？ The activity was organized so as to test the children's ability of analyzing and solving problems on their own. That is，they would have to be away from their families and try to face all kinds of difficulties without any[of]（1） their parents' help.

　　The activity was held on the grassland of Menggu. But the Chinese children made us so disappointed they are not used to living alone at all[were disappointing：they were not used to living alone at all]（2）。 Some were always missing their families，others complaining about the hardships of traveling on foot with heavy luggages. Even there were some who wanted to go back home before the camp was completed.

　　Compared with the Chinese children， the Japanese children， however， have [had]（3） strong independent character： they overcame any difficulty they met， and did such things of their own as washing clothes， cooking， cleaning and so on. Obviously（顯然），they could live better on their own than the Chinese children.

　　How can things be like this？ This may have something to dowith the family education. Don't you think many Chinese parents do too much for their children？ The children， particularly the only sons or the only daughters， have been pampered （溺愛） since their childhood. They are treated as “little kings or queens” at home， provided with everything and given any helpin any case.

　　On the contrary， in Japan and in some western countries， the parents pay much more attention to train [training] （4）their children to be independent. They believe that each person has the right to decide his own future， and must answer for （爲……負責） what he has done independently. The only thing that the parents should do is not to do everything for them but to give some advice when necessary. This will do the children much good.

　　We always say “Maintain our nation's independence and keep the initiative in our own hands （獨立自主，自力更生）”， then we should start teaching children the importance of independence. Parents should not try to build “a smooth and straight road” for us， because it's natural that we will certainly grow up one dayand go into society alone. Society is almost the same as a winding road with many blocks and traps. If we are only used to walking on level roads， we will be often tripped over steep ones. The summer camp activity mentioned at the beginning is an excellent example！

　　深圳市外國語學校高三（2）班 蔡聰

　　評 語

　　全文文筆較爲老練，詞滙、句型結搆運用也較好。文章論點積極，論據充分，所擧的實例發人深省，結論具有說服力。文中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）any與所有格their均爲中位限定詞，從語法上講，一般中位限定詞在位置上互斥，因此，這裡加上of.

　　（2）原文計人讀起來好像作者不是Chinese，故改之。

　　（3）根據上下文這裡要用過去時。

　　（4） pay attention to中的to是介詞，後麪接名詞或者動名詞。