Life in a Valley

I was born in a little village. All the people there depend on the trees on the mountains nearby for life. In order to cut trees easily， most of them often live in the valley.

　　When I was fourteen years old， I had lived [once lived] （1） in the valley with my elder brother for ten days. It was very interesting， so I remember [the experience] （2） very well.

　　In fact， our “house” was only a bed [Our “house” in the valley was， in fact， only a bed] （3）。 There were no neighbours except birds and small nameless animals. My brother told me that the valley was called Mazhudui. “How big our house is！ The trees are the walls， and the sky is our roof！” My brother said with a smile.

　　Having made the bed， we began to cook. There was no water source near our house， so we had to walk a long way to a brook （小谿） to carry [fetch] （4） water. Because there was no bucket （桶）， we carry [had to carry] （5） water with a little bowl. We took the bowl to the brook， filled it with water and then came back. We did it many times until the water was enough for our cooking.

　　After lunch， we began to work. On our way to the work place， we saw a lot of interesting things. The birds didn't fear us. As they flew around us， they sang a moving song. Sometimes， a small animal came out of the trees and made some noise at us. The sky， the mountains and the trees all looked green. A brook wound its way into the forest. We seemed to travel [be travelling] （6） in a picture.

　　The most interesting thing in our ten days' stay in the valley was to lie in bed and see stars. The stars were twinkling， as if talking to me. The cool wind was kissing my hair， whispering to me. The sounds made by trees， birds and animals were like a wonderful piece of music， and helped me go to sleep peacefully.

　　One night， while we were sleeping， it suddenly began to rain. We were wet through when we woke up. We looked for our lamp quickly， but it was wet， too. So we had to get under the bed and wait till tomorrow. Suddenly， my brother laughed and cried out “Aha， we needn't fetch water today！ The pan must be full of water！”

　　Time passed quickly and ten days had gone by before I knew it. How interesting my life in the valley！ I will never forget these days. If only I can [could] （7） live in the valley for some days again！

　　廣東省河源市河源中學高一（3）班 邱道明

　　評 語

　　這是一篇十分生動活潑、富有情趣的文章。文中的許多情節如果沒有真實的生活躰騐是寫不出來的。作者觀察仔細，記敘詳略有致，語句運用也較自然流暢，特別是在挨雨淋後，忽然想到今天做飯不用去遠処挑水等詼諧的描寫，使人讀來輕松有趣。這說明：衹要我們堅持寫真實的生活，真實的思想，大膽練習運用所學過的詞語和句型，一定能寫出好文章。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）這裡時態不必用過去完成時，加上once，讀來更通順。

　　（2）這裡以加上賓語爲好。

　　（3）原文一上來就用in fact，不妥，因爲上下文還沒有提到過our house，故改之。

　　（4）用fetch 更強調專程去取水。

　　（5）本処時態用錯了，加上 had to有“不得不”的含義。

　　（6）似乎正在進行的事，要用不定式的進行時態。

　　（7）If only從句要用虛擬式，用法類似wish的賓語從句。