If I Can Fly

“I am sailing home again， cross the sea… I am flying， like a bird， cross the sky…”Whenever I hear this famous song， I can't help singing together and my heart flows into the blue， fascinating sky.

　　I'm a sensitive girl and I often fall into endless imagination……

　　If I could fly， I'd fly with seagulls （海鷗）， crossing the expansive ocean， feeling the fluctuation （起伏） of the tides. How excited [ exciting] （1） it would be！ I almost hear the wind's passing by， strong and powerful. I see whales smiling to me and playing their own games. It is the nature's voice which I'm always longing for in my dream. Only at this moment I could [could I] （ 2 ）look so closely at the true face of the sea， cool and ardent （熱烈）， shaking and peaceful， irritable and broad-minded. Oh， how I wish I could fly like a bird！

　　If I could fly one day， I'd fly into the green forests， to seek a sort of fresh feeling. I would breathe the fresh air which mixes with the flowers' odor. Each leaf gives me a little surprise which attracts me deeper into the trees. The white， mysterious mist（薄霧）among the trees covers my body. That makes me feel myself part of nature. If I could fly one day， I'd fly into the dark night under the soft moonlight ， to be near the stars. I would fly on the gentle wind. I would feel as free as a bird， forgetting all about fear. The stars are twinkling with naughty eyes as if there's [were ]（ 3 ） a wonderland ahead， hidden in the dark-ness.

　　…………

　　The dream ends when I'm back to the reality that I'm not a bird but a sixteen-year-old girl. However， the imagination brings me lots of fun， which I can't find in my text books.

　　上海市曏明中學高一（1）班 常永恩

　　評 語

　　文章表現出十五六嵗的少年對生活充滿幻想。幻想有積極和消極之分，但願每一位學生多一些健康曏上、振奮人心的幻想，同時努力學習，刻苦鑽研，用自己的雙手把美好的幻想變爲現實。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）句中it是指fly，因此，應該用exciting，表示令人激動。現在分詞和過去分詞，如 exciting／excited，interesting／interested，tiring／tired，surprising／surprised等等，現在分詞都有“令人……”的含義，而過去分詞均爲“感到……”，如：

　　The new teacher is very interesting.教師很有趣。

　　The new teacher is interested in fishing.新教師對釣魚感興趣。

　　（2）“only 狀語”開頭的句子，主謂語要倒裝。

　　（3）as if從句常用虛擬式，這裡根據上下文顯然要用虛擬語氣，故改之。