My Collection

Now a lot of people like to collect something， for example， stamps or coins （硬幣）。 I'm also a collector and my collection is telephone cards （電話磁卡）。 Now， I have over one thousand cards. These are related to almost every part of the world [Each of them is a beautiful picture depicting almost every aspect of the world] （1）： buildings， scenery， animals， plants and works of art. Everyone [Each of them] （2） has its own character.

　　The first card I'd like to tell you about is a cartoon picture named “Merry Christmas”。 It describes [portrays] （ 3 ） what children are doing on a very happy Christmas Eve： some are sending presents to their friends while others are decorating （裝飾） a Christmas tree with lovely ornaments （裝飾物）。 All over the ground is thick snow that has become colorful under the lights. However， （4） this little card shows a scene of great joy. I assure [am sure] （ 5 ） that everybody can't help feeling warm in winter on seeing it [this card] （6）。

　　Most of my telephone cards are of a complete set （完整的一套）。 A certain set I like best is of some exquisite （精美的） photographs of the world's famous scenic spots. They are so vivid that each time I glance over them， it seems as if I were travelling around Paris， New York， Sydney and other beautiful cities. Through them， I can comprehend [know a lot more about] （7） the world without going abroad.Providing me with knowledge and enjoyment， the telephone cards have not only increase my insight [helped me to know the world better ] （ 8 ） ， but also enriched my life. In the future days， they'll always accompany me as my good friends.

　　上海市李惠利中學高二（3）班 滕加琪

　　評 語

　　收集電話磁卡應該說是一種較新興的hobby.正如作者所言，其中既有樂趣也能幫助增長知識。遺憾的是作者沒有介紹一下是如何收集這些電話磁卡的。某些不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）原句 be related to 的含義不清，有中國式英語之嫌，故改之。

　　（2）everyone郃在一起寫時，意爲“每個人”。改爲each of them 與上句呼應，增加文章氣勢。

　　（3）根據 Longman 詞典，describe 一般表示用“文字描述”，這裡是指圖畫，故改之。

　　（4）這裡沒有轉折含義，However用得有些費解，刪去爲好。

　　（5）assure的意思是 make sure，cause to believe，這裡應該改爲 am sure 較符郃上下文的意思。

　　（6）it這裡指代不清，指明 this card爲好。

　　（7）、（8）comprehend和insight的語氣都過重了，改後較爲自然明了。