A Football Dream

Football， the most exciting game in this world， is loved by billions of people in different countries， and I am one of the billions of them. But what is football ？[But why is football， instead of anything else？ And what does football really mean？ ] （1）

　　Football is a spirit （精霛） . No one can tell what will happen next. It may have a complete different ending in any minute of a match.

　　Football is the God. It has so many true fans that it is unable to count. So long as the flame of football is on， they will keep on jumping， shouting， singing， and never feel tired.

　　Football is a lump of fire， warm and exciting. Just because of this， it owns so many fans that the number of people whowatch the World Cup is much larger than that who watch the Olympic Games. Yeah， football is a dream， an unbelievable dream.

　　What does football really mean？ A thousand people may have a thousand different answers. It means Brazilian team， Italian team， Ronaldo， Weah， Shearer … But one thing you may have forgotten [or you may not know] （2）： football was invented in China. Today football is brought under control[the world football field is dominated （統治） ] （3） by foreigners， and we are still trying to take part in the World Cup [have been trying to take part in the finals of the World Cup ] （4） ， yet we've lost again and again.

　　One day ， maybe [surely] （ 5 ） one day ， history will see an Asian football team win the championship of the world： a great name was [will then be] （6） carved on the golden cup —— CHINA.

　　北京工業大學附中高二（2）班 王川

　　評 語

　　本文作者是一名足球愛好者。他用文字表達了自己對足球的熱愛，也表達了對中國足球的美好祝願。文章一連用了三個“Football is…”這樣的排比句式，用球迷自信的語調介紹了自己對足球的理解，從而增加了文章的感染力。文中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）從上下文語氣上看，原文中的問題問得有些唐突，故改之。

　　（2）可能會有人不知道這一事實，加上這一句使語氣婉轉一些。

　　（3）原文有些中國式英語的味道，故改之。

　　（4）改用現在完成進行時，更能表達“一直在努力。”另外，蓡加世界盃外圍賽，算不算蓡加了世界盃？

　　（5）用surely比maybe更有力。

　　（6）原文可能想表示虛擬，其實完全可以用一般將來時表達一種自信。