Mom,I Miss You

You left home after you and Father had a fight and have never returned since. At that time I was only two. From then on， Father uses [began] （1） to drink and smoke every day. When I was four， he died in an accident. I have lost him.

　　I live with my grandparents. They have taken lots of trouble to bring me up. When I see other children's parents take them to the park， to the school or to the cinema， how I envy them！

　　In dreams， I always see you and hear your sound [voice] （2）。 You're a nice woman. I throw myself on you and you take me in your arms closely. How happy I am then！ But when I awake from the dreams， everything still likes [is still like what it was] （ 3 ） before. I'm a girl lost [without] （ 4 ） Mother's love.

　　I asked grandma where you had gone and when you would be back. She said she didn't know， but she said if I was a goodchild， you would be back soon. So I study [have been studying] （5） hard. I'm one of the best students in the school. Teachers and students all like me. I have been expecting you to return every day， but every day I get disappointed.

　　Mom， do you still remember me？ Do you know my wish？Will you please be back soon？

　　I miss you， Mom.

　　安徽省郃肥四十六中初二 徐平

　　評 語

　　這是一篇情真意切，充滿感情的文章。它是用自己的心來完成的。它要告訴廣大父母親：自己的言行要對孩子負責，不要讓孩子過早失去父母的愛。就語言而言，文章也寫得不錯。某些不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）這裡uses用錯了。

　　（2）人的嗓音要用voice.

　　（3）原句想用like表示“像”，但用錯了。like表示“像”時，不是動詞而是介詞，要與be或look等連系動詞一起用，如：

　　He looks like his father.

　　（4）lost是過去分詞，不能這樣做定語，不如改用介詞without更簡潔。

　　（5）這裡用現在完成進行時，強調一直至今。