To My Dear Niece

“My sister has borne a little girl！”

　　What good news！ You can imagine how happy I was on hearing the news！ And I realized that I must also be a fortunate one[boy] （1）， for few people has [have] （2） a chance of becoming a real maternal（母親方的）uncle these days [when almost every couple gives birth only to one child] （3）。

　　The child had already been named before its birth. To name a baby is somehow a difficult thing， because it should not only sound nice， but also express the great hope of the parents. In order to find a good name for their baby， my sister and brother-inlaw first looked up in the dictionary[consulted a dictionary for ideal words] （4）， but they failed. Then it occurred to them that the name“Meng Meng”might be a good one. It can be used either for a boy or for a girl； and it also sounds poetic（有詩意的）in Chinese. Now I was only too anxious to see the baby and my sister.

　　I was permitted to go to the hospital at last. When I got there， the baby was having a sound sleep. Although my sister looked very pale and tired， she felt happy indeed（judging by her kind look at the baby）。

　　“Where is[”May I have a close look at] （5） my niece？“I asked in a low voice.

　　My sister pointed to the small bed near her.“Oh， yes， it's there！”

　　I tiptoed to the bed. I looked at it carefully and kindly， and touched it gently， for fear of waking up the cherub（胖娃娃）。 Meng Meng was so small， but it had two big eyes（They were closed at the moment as if it hadn't made full preparations to see the world）。 Its skin was smooth and tender， and its pink cheeks made it looked[look] （6） much vivid. And it also had a big nose which I thought was a characteristic of its grandfather.

　　But， on the other hand， Meng Meng was a bit dirty. It hadn't taken a bath since its birth， so its hair was in a mess.

　　My sister told me that Meng Meng had been sleeping for a long time Maybe she was too tired， or perhaps she was too shy to see its[her]（7） uncle because of its[her]（8） dirtiness.

　　上海交大附中高三（1）班 陳賢

　　評 語

　　選材很有趣，文筆也較爲生動，特別是對嬰兒的描寫十分細致，表達出了小舅舅對小外甥女的深切感情。文章中某些單詞的使用顯示出作者可能在課外進行了大量的英語閲讀。某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）這裡的one指代不夠清楚，故改之。

　　（2）people是集郃名詞，要用複數謂語，作者可能疏忽了。

　　（3）加上這一句使語義更加清楚。英語作文的目的是要讓外國人能夠看懂。因此，在上下文中必須交代那些衹有中國人才能理解的背景內容。

　　（4）根據Longman詞典，look up一般用作及物動詞，後接要查的內容，如：look up a word in a dictionary，這裡沒有賓語，不宜用look up，故改之。

　　（5）上文已經提到姐姐的目光看著baby，現在又問where is it，顯然不夠自然，故改之。

　　（6）這裡應該用省to的不定式。

　　（7）、（8）主語是she，代詞要用her.不過，前文曾用it來指嬰兒，這裡用she，不夠統一。