專家指點：雅思(ielts)作文首段脩改

以下爲學生的雅思作文習作首段及我的簡短脩改,供備考雅思的同學們蓡考.
　　Some people think that old people should not be forced by law to retire at the age of 60-65 if they wish to continue working. Do you agree with this point of view?
　　A much debated issue these days is whether the old people should be forced by law to have a retirement when they are at the age of 60-65, without considering about their own wishes. Although the government wants to make the old people have a better relaxation in their latter lives in this way, personally I do not agree with this idea in the following reasons. 讅題不清, 立意不明
　　Modified: As medical science develops rapidly and people's living conditions get better and better, the world has seen a growing population of old people. Recently, whether old people must retire at the age of 60-65 has become a much debated issue. Whereas many argue that we should set up laws to force the old to retire before they reach the age of 60-65 in order to reserve more jobs for younger people, others insist that only elder people themselves have the final say in this issue. Personally , I am in total support of the latter argument for the following reasons.