Making the cut

There are so many ways to bloviate. Here are a dozen examples of wordy claptrap and how to cut through it. Go fast if you get the idea—but in my experience students need a lot of help gaining the confidence to be concise, and so that's why I provide so many examples. In each instance see if you can figure out what got reworded, what just got cut, and why:

ORIGINAL REVISION
It was discussed in this reading that . . .
Tannen argues that . . .

The film and video industry category can specifically be broken down into subsequent industries of motion picture and videotape production, motion picture and videotape distribution, movie houses, and cable and other pay-television services, just to name a few for example.
The film and video industry category includes production, distribution, movie houses, and cable and other pay-television services.

Some of its major competitors include News Corporation Ltd., which is a global media and entertainment media power, and Viacom Inc., which is based in the United States and is one of the world's leading media companies.
Major global competitors include Australia-based News Corporation Ltd. and U.S.-based Viacom Inc.

An important part of implementing a service-oriented strategy is that you're going to have to increase the number of salespeople in each store.
A service-oriented strategy requires more salespeople in each store.

The scene is very important because it helps us understand Cleopatra early on in the play.
This early scene helps us understand Cleopatra.

What specifically about Cleopatra makes her such a captivating character?
What makes Cleopatra such a captivating character?

This idealistic view is the only reason Brutus agrees to join the conspiracy in the first place.
Brutus joins the conspiracy out of idealism.

The play tells the story of a group of conspirators bound together by the notion that their leader, Julius Caesar, is intent on taking sole power.
The play tells the story of a group of conspirators determined to prevent Julius Caesar from overthrowing the republic.

In the play, Menas, who is a pirate, says this about the marriage:"I think the policy of that purpose made more in the marriage than the love of the parties" (2.6.115-16).
The pirate Menas dismisses the marriage as a political arrangement.

From reading the Declaration of Independence it is apparent that Locke's perspective was shared by the Founders.
The Declaration of Independence suggests how much Locke influenced the Founders.

The last point I would like to make is that in regard to men-women relationships, it is important to keep in mind that the greatest changes have probably occurred in the way men and women are working next to one another.
The greatest changes in how men and women treat each other have probably occurred in the workplace.