If I Can Fly
“I am sailing home again, cross the sea… I am flying, like a bird, cross the sky…”Whenever I hear this famous song, I can't help singing together and my heart flows into the blue, fascinating sky.
I'm a sensitive girl and I often fall into endless imagination……
If I could fly, I'd fly with seagulls (海鷗), crossing the expansive ocean, feeling the fluctuation (起伏) of the tides. How excited [ exciting] (1) it would be! I almost hear the wind's passing by, strong and powerful. I see whales smiling to me and playing their own games. It is the nature's voice which I'm always longing for in my dream. Only at this moment I could [could I] ( 2 )look so closely at the true face of the sea, cool and ardent (熱烈), shaking and peaceful, irritable and broad-minded. Oh, how I wish I could fly like a bird!
If I could fly one day, I'd fly into the green forests, to seek a sort of fresh feeling. I would breathe the fresh air which mixes with the flowers' odor. Each leaf gives me a little surprise which attracts me deeper into the trees. The white, mysterious mist(薄霧)among the trees covers my body. That makes me feel myself part of nature. If I could fly one day, I'd fly into the dark night under the soft moonlight , to be near the stars. I would fly on the gentle wind. I would feel as free as a bird, forgetting all about fear. The stars are twinkling with naughty eyes as if there's [were ]( 3 ) a wonderland ahead, hidden in the dark-ness.
…………
The dream ends when I'm back to the reality that I'm not a bird but a sixteen-year-old girl. However, the imagination brings me lots of fun, which I can't find in my text books.
上海市曏明中學高一(1)班 常永恩
評 語
文章表現出十五六嵗的少年對生活充滿幻想。幻想有積極和消極之分,但願每一位學生多一些健康曏上、振奮人心的幻想,同時努力學習,刻苦鑽研,用自己的雙手把美好的幻想變爲現實。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下:
(1)句中it是指fly,因此,應該用exciting,表示令人激動。現在分詞和過去分詞,如 exciting/excited,interesting/interested,tiring/tired,surprising/surprised等等,現在分詞都有“令人……”的含義,而過去分詞均爲“感到……”,如:
The new teacher is very interesting.教師很有趣。
The new teacher is interested in fishing.新教師對釣魚感興趣。
(2)“only 狀語”開頭的句子,主謂語要倒裝。
(3)as if從句常用虛擬式,這裡根據上下文顯然要用虛擬語氣,故改之。
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