My brother

Mybrother is three years older than I. In my mind's eye [In my eyes，] （1） he is a man. I feel proud of having such a brother. When I was six years old， I began to go to school. fortunately， we studied in the same school， so he always took me home.

　　One day， after school， we walked home together， talking about what had happened in the school. Suddenly， we heard a noise in front of us. We rushed forward and found that some boys （bigger than my brother） were threatening （威脇） a small boy [forcing a small boy] （2） to hand over all his money to them.

　　Without any hesitation （猶豫）， my brother went up to those boys and shouted， Don't mug （對…行兇） the boy！“

　　At first， these big boys got a big surprise and then they realized what had happened and began to call my brother's name [call my brother names] （3）。 My brother， however， wasn't frightened at all and still tried to prevent them from robbing the small boy. Eventually， they got angry and turned from the small boy to my brother and began to beat him hard. In spite of my crying， they didn't stop until they got tired and went away.

　　On me way home， I asked my brother why he had done so. He smiled and said something that I couldn't understand at that time. Though he was black and blue all over， I looked [looked on] （4） him as a brave man.

　　Now， my brother has joined the army， fulfilling his desire to be a man safeguarding （保衛） the good against the bad. Though I can't see him often and I don't know whether he still remembers the thing， I can recall clearly what happened that day and I will remember it for ever. It was my dear brother who taught me how to brave the evil and overwhelm （壓倒） it.

　　江囌省鹽城市中等專業學校 楊麗

　　評 語

　　這是一篇描述正氣戰勝邪氣同時又充滿兄妹情的好文章。全文語句簡潔，尤其在描述兄長的表現時動詞用得較多，使文章讀來很有動感和生氣，使一個“小勇士”的形象躍然紙上。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）in one's mind's eyes意思是in one's imagination，如：The old lady can still see in her mind's eyes every piece of furniture in the house where she lived as a child. 作者想表達的“在我的心目中”，實際上是“在我眼裡”，應該用in my eyes（注意：eye用複數），如：The baby is beautiful in its mother's eyes.

　　（2）根據Longman詞典，動詞threaten不用於threaten sb. to do sth. 句型，故改之。

　　（3）謾罵某人是call sb. names.

　　（4）look on…as…是“把……看成是……”的意思。