An Exciting Look

I had not gone back home for a long time. I didn't want to go back， for [because] （1） the house which my family lived in was so old that it was at the same age as my elder brother's （2） and so shabby （破舊） that once it rained there seemed to be no place to put a bed in. But now， when I returned home finally， I found in great surprise that it had been put down [our old house had been pulled down] （3） and a new building was being put up.

　　My father told me with great excitement that our house would be as large as 96 square meters.

　　Hearing this， I was even [more] （4） pleased， because I knew this did not come with ease. How could I forget how hard a life [what a hard life] （5） our family used to live some years before？

　　In those days， three children of our family were all at school. But all the income was only my father's small salary by working at a small village mill. He always tried his best to save every cent for us to go to school. My parents had to work hard day and night. But three children's school expenses were greater than his little income. Hard as the life was， my parents never let us lose any chance to study.

　　My father had stomach trouble. But， in my memory， he seldom went to hospital but bore the pain by himself. Only my mother knew how painful he was.

　　Now thanks to the correct policy of our Party and the wise leadership of the government， we've found many new ways to get rich and live a better life. All those hard days are gone and will never come back again， [I think.] （6） How happy I am！ How happy all my family are！ Perhaps only those who have experienced the hardest life know best about the sweetest life. I can hardly describe my excitement because no word can do that.

　　江西省樂平中學高三（8）班 蔡如海

　　評 語

　　文章反映了一個辳村學生家庭生活在黨的正確政策指引下發生的可喜變化，也描述了學生本人的真實心態。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）for表示補充說明的理由，在這裡顯得缺乏力度，故改之。

　　（2）這句話不夠簡練，另外，elder brother的年齡也沒點明有多大，表達力不強，刪去。

　　（3）原文it指代關系不清。put down用得也不妥。

　　（4）這裡even應該加比較級才表示“更……”。

　　（5）句首已有how，後麪很快又有how，從脩辤學角度出發，不如改成what結搆。

　　（6）加上I think使語氣委婉一些。