The Bike

Nearly in every city there are bike tenders （看車人）。 They ask for a small charge （費用）for their service. Generally speaking， this is reasonable. With a bike-tender looking after your bike， you may be at ease and deal with your business as long as possible before the sun has set [you may take your time to deal with your business before sunset] （1） . But sometimes things may not seem so ideal. For example， when you want to buy something， your bike is left outside a shop only for a minute or two. However， you have to pay the money all the same， for the bike-tenders don't ask for the charge [for the bike-tenders will not free you from the payment] （2） because they look after your bike for only an instant. So I came to regard bike-tenders as those who only knew how to make money until one day something happened to change my view.

　　That day after school I went to a bookshop. As soon as I stopped my bike in front of the shop， an old man ， the bike-tender， [a bike-tender， an old man，] （3） came up to me. Before he asked for the charge [said anything] （4） I threw him a coin （硬幣） without looking at him and entered the shop. I bought my books and was leaving when I felt in my pocket for the bicycle key. It was not there！ I got worried and went back to the counter （櫃台） . The assistant said she hadn't seen any key. I hurried out of the shop， thinking that I must have forgotten to lock the bike. To my joy [relief] （5）， my bike was still there， but it was locked tight （緊緊地）。 I looked everywhere around the bike for the key， but I couldn't find it. Just then the bike-tender came over. “What's the matter， young man？” he asked. Looking at him， I said sadly， “The key is lost.” “Oh， I see. Don't worry. Look at this. Is it yours？” Without a careful look I could see it was just mine. [“Yes， it is.”] （6） I became happy but thought “the money-maker” would probably ask for extra money. To my surprise， the old man patted me on the shoulder， gave me the key and said， “Little fellow， you should take better care of your key next time. Don't hurry. If you have no money I can look after your bike freely. Just now when you threw the coin to me I could see you were not willing to pay the money. Am I right？”

　　I nodded my head and didn't know what to say when the old man said， “Go home at once. It's getting dark. Your parents are expecting you.”

　　I left the old man， and since then I have always showed my respect to all bike-tenders.

　　江囌省徐州市第一中學高二（1）班 宋亮亮

　　評 語

　　全文語句樸實，流暢自然，對看車人的描寫較爲成功，文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）原句意思表達得不準確，特別是 as long as possible給人以“故意拖長時間”的語感。改後較好。 take one's time to do sth. 意爲“從容地做……”。

　　（2）原句試用not-because句型（竝非因爲……而乾……），想法很好，但可惜用錯了。應將ask for the charge改成free from the payment，意爲：“看車人竝非因爲他們衹看了一會兒車而免費。”句中not否定because從句。

　　（3）原句把 an old man用作主語，而 the bike tender作同位語，這樣主題不突出，換過來較好。

　　（4）一上來就要錢，有點不自然。

　　（5）joy = great happiness.改成relief較好。

　　（6）原句想表示“不用看就知道是我的鈅匙”，但寫的是中國式英語。既然老人一問，還不如一答爲好。