Help in Real Need

We had a cow. Last summer I spent my holidays at home [when I spent my holidays at home ] （1） ， Father told me to take good care of it. I liked the cow very much and fed it with sweet grass.

　　One morning， I let the cow stand beside the river， tying it to a tree [keeping it tied to a tree ] （2）。 Then I went away to cut grass.

　　When I came back， I was surprised to find that the cow was in the mud. There was only a little water in the river. Now the cow's foolish [clumsy ] （ 3 ） and fat body made its legs [ sink ] （4） deep in the mud. It could do nothing but turn its head from side to side and let out its heavy voice[mooed pitifully] （ 5 ） to me. How could I help it out？ Without second thought [Without delay] （ 6 ） I went to pull the rope， but the cow is [was] （ 7 ） too heavy. Then I tried to clean the mud around its legs. There were [was] （8） too much mud. No doubt， I failed again.

　　The sun was high in the sky now. The cow cried a little now and a little then [lowed now and then] （9） as if it was [were]（10） asking me to help it quickly out of the trouble. I stared at it and thought hard. I did all I could. But all I did was useless to the cow. [but in vain.] （11）

　　I really had no idea then. [I was at the end of my tether.] （12）I thought I should turn to Father for help.

　　Before I left， I fetched a pile of grass I had cut to feed the cow. Just as I was about to throw the grass to it， he [the cow] （13） saw the grass and jumped coming out of the mud！ It was an astonishing success. The cow must have been hungry. What it needed most was food. It ate up all the grass I had cut.

　　From the experience I learned something useful——only to give what it badly needs [is badly needed] （14） means real help.

　　上海市青浦縣硃家角中學 肖春莉

　　評 語

　　文章內容生動活潑，結尾出人意料，說明作者在情節展開上下了一定功夫。文章在詞滙、句子結搆的運用等方麪也不錯，尤其是對牛的描寫很形象。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）把原句改成一個狀語從句，使文章更緊湊，前後呼應更好。

　　（2）tying it to a tree作爲分詞伴隨情況狀語表示的是一個動態的動作，但是根據上下文這裡應該用 keeping it tied to a tree表示靜止的狀態。

　　（3）foolish 是愚笨的“笨”，不是笨重的“笨”，應該用clumsy.

　　（4）原文漏掉不定式 sink（陷沉），句子結搆欠完整。

　　（5）voice 一般指人的嗓音，牛叫可用moo， low或 bellow.

　　（6）second thought 指重新考慮，常常用在 on second thoughts 或 have second thoughts 等習語中。原文 thought 錯用了單數，況且根據上下文也用錯了意思。作者大概想表達“不容細想”、“沒有遲疑”。

　　（7）、（8）可能是作者的筆誤。寫作時，時態、單複數等這些中英文不同的地方必須特別小心仔細。

　　（9）牛叫一般也不用 cry，原句時間狀語用得也有些別扭。

　　（10）正式的書麪語中，be的虛擬式用were，不用was.

　　（11）原句較唆，改爲but in vain更好，但要把前麪句號改爲逗號。

　　（12）原句語義不明確。表示一個人“山窮水盡，毫無辦法”可以用 at the end of one's tether/rope.

　　（13）全文的代詞使用必須統一，用it指牛，就不能隨便又用he.

　　（14）通過一事學到的經騐，應該是有普遍的指導意義。因此把原句改爲泛指的被動態比特指 it（the cow）的需要來得好。