Mother,Please Give Me More Love

Dear mother， please give me more love！

　　When I was a six-year-old girl， you left me and went to Shen Zhen City [the city of Shenzhen] （1）。 Now I'm a sixteenyear-old girl. I have grown up， but you have returned home only a few times in the past ten years.

　　I was in Grade One at that time. I often saw other children go out for a walk with their parents together. How I wish that you could come back！ But that was impossible， because you were far away from me. I often cried in my mind： Mother， please give me more love！ I need your love， Mother. I want to live like other children！ I wish to go out to play with you and Father. Why can other children live happily with their parents， while I can't？

　　I always felt sad when I saw other children playing with their mothers. Ten years have passed quickly. I have changed much. I don't think as what I was thinking of at that time [Now I think otherwise] （ 2 ）。 I am beginning to understand you. As a person， you must have your own work. That my mother， a common woman， can do well in business isn't so easy. I understand you. If I only think of myself and don't think of others， that is to say， I'm very selfish.

　　Now I can only say：“Mother， please give me a little more love when you are free . When you are busy working ， please don't think of me. You are a great woman！ ”[“Mother， you are a great woman！ But please give me a little more love when you are free， will you？”] （3）

　　湖北省黃岡中學高一（2）班 楊蘭

　　評 語

　　本文以與母親直接對話的形式，傾訴了自己渴望更多母愛的心聲。在改革開放的大潮中，不少父母紛紛忙於“下海”，但給他們的子女又有什麽影響呢？本文作者的所思所想不能不給我們以深思。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）“……市”，英語表達爲：the city of…，如 the city of Beijing，不要受漢語影響寫成…city.

　　（2）這句帶有明顯的繙譯味，改後符郃英語思維。

　　（3）結束語語義層次不夠清楚，沒有緊釦主題，另外，“When you are busy working，please don't think of me.”這句話也寫得不自然，不恰儅，故改之。