Phoebus——I ll Always Miss You

Phoebus， a handsome young man in our neighbourhood， has been sleeping quietly in his grave for three years. If he had not died， he would be twenty-two this year. Today， a rainy day， is the date[anniversary]（1） of Phoebus' death.

　　I put my flowers on Phoebus' grave， telling him a thousand times that a good friend has come to visit him. Recalling the happy days in the past， I can not hold back my tears. Phoebus， such an ambitious boy in the sun， would never come back. He was only nineteen！ So young a boy！ How could God take away his life so early？ Up till now， I still don't believe the fact that he has left us！

　　Energetic and ambitious， Phoebus had ever told[often told]（2） me that being[to be]（3） a good doctor was his future goal. I was——and still am——one hundred percent sure he could have realized his dream as he was so intelligent and persevering（不屈不撓的）。 That year——1992， was not only the year he took the college-entrance examination， but also the year he lost his life！

　　Phoebus's father， a selfish man， would never let his son do anything against him. He wanted his only son to study business so that he could inherit his enterprise（繼承他的事業）in the future. Knowing his son wanted to study medicine， he tried every means to stop him.

　　Losing every hope and feeling depressed， Phoebus went out one night and was dead drunk. Then came the horrible car accident， the blood of Phoebus and the ambulance…

　　Phoebus died on the way to hospital because he lost too much blood. I resent（恨）Phoebus' father！ I resent him more than I can say！ It was the selfish man who caused Phoebus' death！ It was he who made me lose a good friend forever.

　　Today， standing in front of Phoebus's grave， I pray for his smiling face to reappear（重現）before me. Just then a gust of wind begins to blow. I seem to hear him saying，“Lisa， I want to be a good doctor. Why can't we have our own right to decide our own future？”Poor Phoebus， I am nearly sad to death！ Oh， if only you had not died！ If only you could come back to life！

　　I am crying bitterly in the rain.“Phoebus， come back！ Please come back to life！ Come back to be a doctor you've been dreaming[you were always dreaming of]（4）…”I call out loudly， but there is no sight of Phoebus. I raise my voice to call his name again and again， but still no answer. There is no other sound but the howling（怒號）of the wind！

　　廣東外語師範學校 Lisa

　　評 語

　　這是一篇灰色調但感情極爲真摯、語句非常流暢老練的優秀作文。就文字而言，文中不乏精彩之筆，如：telling him a thousand times， such an ambitious boy in the sun， try every means， dead drunk， If only…！ Come back to be the doctor…等等。作者還很善於利用環境、天氣情況來烘托氣氛。另外，文中借死者之口說出的“Why can't we have our own right to decide our own future？”也曏所有學生與家長提出了一個令人深思的問題。但願像文中主人公這樣的悲劇不再重縯。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）周年紀唸日要用anniversary，否則變成今天就是去世的這一天了。

　　（2）ever一般用於疑問句、否定句或條件句，故改之。另外，這裡也沒有必要用過去完成式。

　　（3）動名詞作主語和不定式作主語的區別之一在於前者表示經常性動作；而不定式表示一次性或還未發生的動作，如：Teaching English is my work but to be an interpreter（口譯）is what I want to be in the future. 根據上下文“儅毉生”是還未實現的動作，用不定式爲好。

　　（4）除了像文章開頭 has been sleeping quietly in his grave這樣特殊意義的句子之外，現在完成進行時一般不能用於已故人的動作，故改之。