A Trip in Night Safari

Singapore Night Safari is the first and only [the first of its kind] （1） in the world. The place covers an area of 40 hectares and is divided into the East and West Loops. Over 1000 animals of about 100 species are displayed[living there] （2）。 One day last winter holiday [during my winter vacation last year] （3）， I went to visit it with my father.

　　At 7：30 p.m. we entered the park. First of all， we took a tram（有軌電車）with a tour guide from Malaysia. The tram route[trip]（4） would take about 50 minutes. Here， there were no fences but pools which were one or two metres wide to prevent animals jumping out. As the tram went by， we saw all kinds of animals from different countries， such as Asian Elephant， otter， rhino， Cape Buffalo， wolf， Bearded Pig and so on. How wonderful they were！ In the darkness， they all looked so quiet， enjoying themselves with their families. Suddenly， the tram stopped. What had happened？ Oh， some deer were crossing the road in front of our tram. We were not allow[allowed] （5） to take pictures， but they stood so close to us， eating leaves and grass， that some of us couldn't help touching[reaching out to touch] （6） them. It seemed that they were enjoying their eating and didn't notice our coming.

　　At the end of the tram ride， we decided to have a tour on foot. According to the map， we would see many rare animals like Red Panda， lemur， Starred Tortoise…。 We saw a lot of people standing around a lake. Out of interest， Father and I went there for a look. It's [It was a] （7） fishing cat. The cat was going to catch fish. At first， he stood on the shore， gazing at the fish in the lake quietly. People watching held their breath， waited and waited. Suddenly， he jumped into the lake to bite the fish. But he failed. The fish escaped quickly. Then we went to see the lion， leopard and tiger.

　　Two hours passed before we knew it. For me， this trip was so interesting and exciting that I'm sure I will never forget the Night Safari and if I have a chance， I'll visit it again.

　　南京師範大學附屬中學高二（7）班 黃怡甯

　　評 語

　　這是一篇出國遊記。作者隨父親到了新加坡的夜間野生動物園。文章按照時間順序，詳略有致地記述了遊園過程，重點描寫了乘坐有軌電車時遇到鹿過路以及“抓魚貓”的抓魚過程，給敘述增添了樂趣。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）原文 the first and only結搆上不夠完整，習慣說法是the first of its kind.

　　（2）原文displayed給人一種“靜態”的感覺，用得不好，故改之。

　　（3）寒假可以是 winter vacation，但如果用holiday，表示“寒假”這樣較長的假期時，常用複數，爲winter holidays.

　　（4）route意爲a way followed from one place to another，與表示“時間長短”的詞語搭配不妥，故改之。

　　（5）這裡應該用過去分詞，可能是作者粗心了。因此，寫好文章後，還得認真檢查。

　　（6）根據上下文加上 reaching out（伸出手去）比較自然。

　　（7）原文時態用錯了。