Bridge

Ladies and gentlemen，

　　There are all kinds of different styles of bridge [bridges] （1） in the world. Bridge is a connection between places and places （2）。 And it may be the bridge that has given me the chance to stand here and talk about bridges today， because seven years ago， a bridge was built （3）。 And this influenced me and even gave me the idea of coming to this school.

　　In 1990， I was only seven years old when I entered for an international children's painting competition. My picture was about a building that was being built and had almost been finished by that time. It was then the tallest building in Shanghai. It was Shanghai Centre which was a combination of Chinese and Western constructions. The manager of Shanghai Centre noticed my picture. Soon， Shanghai Centre began communicating with me. My picture was appreciated and chosen for the first New Year card of the new building of Shanghai Centre. For a sevenyear-old girl， it was exciting and fresh [novel]（4） to be invited to Shanghai Centre to face so many foreign strangers with golden hair and blue eyes. My family were proud of me and we were the first guests of the whole Shanghai Centre including even the president suit （縂統套房） of Portman Hotel . The American friends like my Chinese painting very much， so I drew pictures of a typical Chinese style for them. They also gave me some gifts about their culture. We exchanged New Year cards every year. Wewere building [up]（5） an amicable （友好的） relationship . And at that time， I began to think about entering Shanghai Foreign Language School. I felt as if I were a little envoy connecting China with America [between China and America] （6）。 I was lucky and this experience made me open my eyes widely. It added colour to my life and told me how big the world actually is.

　　Recently， President ，Jiang Zemin visited the United States. He built a bridge between the People's Republic of China and the United States and made the bridge more perfect. So far， China has been developing a lot. Shanghai， as the economic centre of China， provides us with many great opportunities to communicate with the outside world. Many more foreigners are coming to Shanghai and the exchange is more frequent and friendly. For instance， the pop music from Europe， America and Japan comes to our life more and more. As students of Shanghai Foreign Language School， our purpose for study is to build many more bridges， that is， to bring foreign advanced technology to us， and to take our beautiful ancient culture to the whole outside world. We have the bricks of the bridges， that is， languages. I believe， all the students in our school have a wish that is to build more and more bridges to make the world smaller and smaller. If we can cross a river， no matter how wide and deep it is， and build a bridge， that will be a success. And the more successes like that， the brighter future China will have.

　　Our dear motherland， China， has a large territory （領土） and great resources， but this is far less important. We should build bridges. All this will not be finished in the first 100 days， nor will it be finished in the first 1 000 days， nor even perhaps inour lifetime on this planet. But let us begin.

　　Thank you for your attention.

　　by Tracy， Sun

　　Shanghai Foreign Language School

　　評 語

　　一篇好的縯講稿，不僅要求內容吸引人，在詞語的選擇、句型的運用、脩辤手法的採納上都有一定的要求。本文雖有不少需要改進之処，但在運用語言突出重點、使用重複、排比、比喻等脩辤手法方麪下了一定功夫。語言上的某些不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）前麪用了 kinds，後麪再說 style，沒有提供新的內容，應刪去。

　　（2）第2個places是多餘的。

　　（3）這裡的bridge其實是比喻，但可惜沒有交代清楚。

　　（4）這裡作者想用 fresh 表示一種“新鮮的經歷或行爲”。盡琯我們可以說fresh experience，但說“to do sth. is fresh”不免有中國式英語之嫌，表示從未“嘗試過的”可用novel.

　　（5）加上up，意爲“逐漸發展”。

　　（6）connect的詞義太直，故改之。