A Story in My Childhood

I still remember something interesting in my childhood. One day，some of my little friends founded（成立）a “kingdom”（王國）and made a ten-year-old boy their “king”。 They also made it a rule that nobody else could join them in playing games unless he or she became a member of the “kingdom”。 How I wished to join the“kingdom”and play with the children！ So the next day I went to see the“king”。

　　“Hello， king！ I'd like to be a man of yours. Would you like to admit me？”I asked.

　　“It depends if[That depends on whether]（1） you can guess our password，”the“king”answered.

　　“Oh， it's too much to[for]（2） me，”as I knew they changed their password every day.“But I'd like to have a try.”I said.“By the way， how many times can I guess？”

　　“Three times. Now it's time for your first try[your first try]（3）。”

　　“The sky，”I said without thinking much.

　　“No. Guess again.”

　　“The sun？”

　　“That's wrong. Now the last chance for you.”

　　I felt nervous. Suddenly I saw a tree nearby.

　　“Tree，”I shouted.

　　“You're mistaken again.”

　　My heart sank. Just when I was about to go home， the “king”stopped me.“Just a moment， please. Now I declare you are my man！”

　　What a pleasant surprise！ But I didn't know why I was so lucky until I found out later that the“king”hadn't decided on the password for that day until I said“tree”。

　　陝西省長安205研究所附中 Yue Zhi

　　評 語

　　這是一篇寫得頗有童趣的作文，特別是對話部分寫得尤爲出色。另外，結尾出人意料，使文章更具可讀性。文章中某些語言上的不足之処點評脩改如下：

　　（1）depend on“取決於”後麪不能用if引導的從句。That depends或It all depends意爲“這要看情況”，後麪一般不再跟句子。

　　（2）這裡應該是“It's too much for me to do that”的簡寫，因此me前麪介詞要用for，不能用to.

　　（3）已經說了now，可以不必再用It's time，否則在口語中會顯得囉唆。